I saw this on Wikipedia a while ago, it might even have been a couple of years ago, thanks to a friend’s link on facebook. It has since disappeared from wikipedia, which is a shame, as it is a work of genius. I’ve reproduced it here because of how much it made me chuckle. I’m afraid I have no idea who the original author was, but if you think you know, or are the author, please get in touch for credit.
Info on the track Regulate and the artists Warren G and Nate Dogg is available on wikipedia.
Regulate — Synopsis
On a cool, clear night (typical to Southern California) Warren G travels through his neighbourhood, searching for women with whom he might initiate sexual intercourse. He has chosen to engage in this pursuit alone.
Nate Dogg, having just arrived in Long Beach, seeks Warren. On his way to find Warren, Nate passes a car full of women who are excited to see him. Regardless, he insists to the women that there is no cause for excitement.
Warren makes a left turn at 21st Street and Lewis Ave, where he sees a group of young men enjoying a game of dice together. He parks his car and greets them. He is excited to find people to play with, but to his chagrin, he discovers they intend to relieve him of his material possessions. Once the hopeful robbers reveal their firearms, Warren realizes he is in a less than favourable predicament.
Meanwhile, Nate passes the women, as they are low on his list of priorities. His primary concern is locating Warren. After curtly casting away the strumpets (whose interest in Nate was such that they crashed their automobile), he serendipitously stumbles upon his friend, Warren G, being held up by the young miscreants.
Warren, unaware that Nate is surreptitiously observing the scene unfold, is in disbelief that he’s being robbed. The perpetrators have taken jewellery and a name brand designer watch from Warren, who is so incredulous that he asks what else the robbers intend to steal. This is most likely a rhetorical question.
Observing these unfortunate proceedings, Nate realizes that he may have to use his firearm to deliver his friend from harm.
The tension crescendos as the robbers point their guns to Warren’s head. Warren senses the gravity of his situation. He cannot believe the events unfolding could happen in his own neighbourhood. As he imagines himself in a fantastical escape, he catches a glimpse of his friend, Nate.
Nate has seventeen cartridges to expend (sixteen residing in the pistol’s magazine, with a solitary round placed in the chamber and ready to be fired) on the group of robbers, and he uses many of them. Afterwards, he generously shares the credit for neutralising the situation with Warren, though it is clear that Nate did all of the difficult work. Putting congratulations aside, Nate quickly reminds himself that he has committed multiple homicides to save Warren before letting his friend know that there are females nearby if he wishes to fornicate with them.
Warren recalls that it was the promise of copulation that coaxed him away from his previous activities, and is thankful that Nate knows a way to satisfy these urges.
Nate quickly finds the women who earlier crashed their car on Nate’s account. He remarks to one that he is fond of her physical appeal. The woman, impressed by Nate’s singing ability, asks that he and Warren allow her and her friends to share transportation. Soon, both friends are driving with automobiles full of women to the East Side Motel, presumably to consummate their flirtation in an orgy.
The third verse is more expository, with Warren and Nate explaining their G Funk musical style. Nate displays his bravado by claiming that individuals with equivalent knowledge could not even attempt to approach his level of lyrical mastery. He also notes that if any third party smokes as he does, they would find themselves in a state of intoxication daily (from Nate’s other works, it can be inferred that the substance referenced is marijuana). Nate concludes his delineation of the night by issuing a vague threat to “busters,” suggesting that he and Warren will further “regulate” any potential incidents in the future (presumably by engaging their enemies with small arms fire).
[Intro — Sampled from Young Guns]
we regulate any stealing of his property
we’re damn good too
But you can’t be any geek off the street,
gotta be handy with the steel if you know what I mean, earn your keep!
REGULATORS!!! MOUNT UP!
It was a clear black night, a clear white moon
Warren G was on the streets, trying to consume
some skirts for the eve, so I can get some funk
jus’ rollin in my ride, chillin all alone
Just hit the Eastside of the LBC
on a mission trying to find Mr. Warren G.
Seen a car full of girls ain’t no need to tweak
all you skirts know what’s up with 213
So I hooks a left on 2 1 and Lewis
some brothas shootin dice so I said “Let’s do this”
I jumped out the ride, and said “What’s up?”
some brothas pulled some gats so I said “I’m stuck.”
Since these girls peepin me I’m a glide and swerve
these hookers lookin so hard they straight hit the curb
Won’tcha think of better things than some horny tricks
I see my homey and some suckers all in his mix
I’m gettin jacked, I’m breakin myself
I can’t believe they taking Warren’s wealth
they took my rings, they took my Rolex
I looked at the brotha said “Damn, what’s next?”
They got my homey hemmed up and they all around
ain’t none of them seeing if they going straight pound for pound
They wanna come up real quick before they start to clown
I best pull out my strap and lay them busters down
They got guns to my head
I think I’m going down
I can’t believe this happenin in my own town
If I had wings I would fly
let me contemplate
I glanced in the cut and I see my homey Nate
Sixteen in the clip and one in the hole
Nate Dogg is about to make some bodies turn cold
now they droppin and yellin
it’s a tad bit late
Nate Dogg and Warren G had to regulate
I laid all them busters down
I let my gat explode
now I’m switching my mind back into freak mode
if you want skirts sit back and observe
I just left a gang of those over there on the curb
Now Nate got the freaks
and that’s a known fact
before I got jacked I was on the same track
back up back up cause it’s on
N A T E and me
the Warren to the G
Just like I thought
they were in the same spot
in need of some desperate help
the Nate Dogg and the G‑child
were in need of something else
one of them dames was sexy as hell
I said “ooo I like your size.”
she said “my car’s broke down and you seem real nice,
would ya let me ride?”
I got a car full of girls and it’s going real swell
the next stop is the Eastside Motel
into a whole new era
step to this
I dare ya
on a whole new level
the rhythm is the bass and the bass is the treble
where rhythm is life
and life is rhythm
If you know like I know
you don’t wanna step to this
It’s the G‑Funk era
funked out with a gangsta twist
if you smoke like I smoke
then you high like everyday
and if your ass is a buster
213 will regulate
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They should recite this in the morning before school assembly. It’s that powerful.